Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are dumb cures and stupid philosophies to manage approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Magic ? Come on... There are no simple fixes nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of mankind. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really only one way to conquer approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever read and heard. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Gorgeous girls don't make you nervous, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, woozy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias generates a negative social frame in your mind that when added up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching a pretty girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your ability and the difficulty of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To conquer your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of ability or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived ability level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived difficulty level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you require to change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived ability level.
4) Attempting to alter your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the simplest part to change in this equation is your perceived ability level. You head out and attempt to increase your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome method anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl does not want to talk with you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- massive approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you have to alter the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you alter your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That is it!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the very demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocent "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you don't overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day until Sunday but nothing will happen if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, enjoyable conversations with beautiful women...
There are dumb cures and stupid philosophies to manage approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to three and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Magic ? Come on... There are no simple fixes nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of mankind. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really only one way to conquer approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever read and heard. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Gorgeous girls don't make you nervous, you make yourself nervous. Women do not by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, woozy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias generates a negative social frame in your mind that when added up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching a pretty girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your ability and the difficulty of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To conquer your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of ability or your perception of the challenge.
You would be in Flow every time you approached a woman if your perceived ability level matched your perceived challenge level for seducing a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived difficulty level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you require to change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived ability level.
4) Attempting to alter your skill level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the simplest part to change in this equation is your perceived ability level. You head out and attempt to increase your ability level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome method anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl does not want to talk with you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- massive approach anxiety because you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you have to alter the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you alter your purpose to something attainable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That is it!
All you have to do is change the frame of your mindset from the very demanding "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocent "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
You'll never overcome the opening phase if you don't overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day until Sunday but nothing will happen if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, enjoyable conversations with beautiful women...
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