Welcome to the world of online dating. It's an exciting concept, that just a few mouse clicks away you could find the perfect partner. Today I want to talk about one of the most important aspects of online dating, your profile pictures.
Your profile picture is worth 1000 words, and 100 dates.
Please tell me that you didn't think you could get through this without putting up a picture at all?
And you weren't hoping that you would be able to get away with an old photo or just snapping a selfie on your phone, were you?
Bad Profile Creator, Bad!
Let me say this clearly: yes you need a photo. Why would you even bother to put together a profile if you are going to then shoot yourself in the foot by refusing to show your face? And then you need to make sure it's an asset, not a liability.
Psychological studies into online dating have demonstrated that people are cautious because of the lack of ways to verify the information presented. That's why everyone thinks everyone else is lying online. We like to be able to check a person's eye movements or body posture as they tell us things, so we can judge for ourselves whether we think they are telling the truth. Online, because there are far fewer cues, people read more meaning into the ones that remain.
Your photos are one of the the best ways to support what you say and make you appear honest. However, if you aren't careful, it will also be 'telling' people things about you that you don't know.
So not only do you need photos, but you need them to say what you want them to say. Things like putting up a selfie might seem easy, but you might not realize that it is screaming to everyone that you don't have any friends, because you had no one to hold the camera for you.
This is not the time to get scared and stick your head in the sand. By understanding the top mistakes people usually make in their photos, you can get yourself ahead of 90% of the online population. So let's get started.
1. Having a Picture of Something Else
While there are many different mistakes you can make with your own photo, not actually using a photo of yourself seems a bit obvious. What exactly is that going to tell other people about you? You are throwing away a perfectly good chance to attract someone, and instead shouting out that you are deformed or so insecure that you can't show people your face. These are not good messages.
2. Putting Up A Picture With Multiple People In It
Using photos of you with a lot of other people can support your statement that you have great friends. However, it also has some negative connotations that I think you should be aware of. First, it says you have put no effort whatsoever into choosing photos for your profile, as you've just grabbed them off Facebook. Second, everyone will automatically assume you are the most ugly person in the photo. Sorry, but it's true.
3. Me and My Hot Ex
Posting a picture of you with a member of the opposite sex is not actually helping your cause. You might think you are showing that you have pulled well before, but that's not how it's going to come across. While browsing online, most people are critical and defensive. They are not going to judge you kindly for showing them a picture of someone hotter than they are. There are no real advantages, and many potential disadvantages, so just avoid it.
4. Comic Ugly Shot
So you think you can get around the whole being judged on your looks thing by a comic ugly shot, huh? The sad truth is that whichever is the worst photo of you online is what everyone is going to assume you look like most of the time. Also, it makes you look like you are insecure so hiding behind humor. This is not attractive. You always want to appear confident.
5. The Decapitated Shot
Okay so you have a great body, thanks for showing that. But would it really have been that hard to zoom out and show that you have a brain as well? Particularly for women, photos of bodies with no heads are disturbing. It also screams that you objectify your own and everyone else's bodies. Not a great message for most dating sites.
6. A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away.
There is a distinct difference between a 20 year old and a 40 year old. Trying to pass off an older photo of yourself as what you really look like is going to backfire at some stage. Maybe not now, but eventually. Your main photo needs to be taken within the last few months, after any major changes (severe hair cut, plastic surgery, etc.) Think of it as an opportunity to create some even better new photos of yourself.
7. This Is My Glamor Shot
If you are a model, and have been paid to have your photo taken, then sure, go ahead an include one of them (this will support your self-statements). In any other circumstance, I recommend not using professional glamor shots in your profile. If you have paid someone to take photos of you, this often comes across as self-indulgent. Further, they are known to be unrealistic and touched up, so people don't trust them anyway. Even if you love the picture, I recommend trying to recreate a more realistic version yourself.
8. The Drunken Shot
I'm sorry, but no one is attractive when they are drunk, not even supermodels. This is similar to the previous note on comic ugly shots. There are much better ways to show that you like a good time.
9. Hide and Seek Shots
Profile photos should not be a game of Where's Wally. You should be clearly visible, which means not out of focus, out of the shot, or just a speck in the background. You want to give as much evidence about what you actually look like. People have seem mountains, they haven't seen you. So unless it has a very particular and irreplaceable purpose demonstrating your message, find a better shot.
Choosing the perfect photo for your online dating profile should not be hard, but based on the evidence available it appears to stump a lot of men. Therefore, avoid these mistakes, and you are already ahead of the game!
Your profile picture is worth 1000 words, and 100 dates.
Please tell me that you didn't think you could get through this without putting up a picture at all?
And you weren't hoping that you would be able to get away with an old photo or just snapping a selfie on your phone, were you?
Bad Profile Creator, Bad!
Let me say this clearly: yes you need a photo. Why would you even bother to put together a profile if you are going to then shoot yourself in the foot by refusing to show your face? And then you need to make sure it's an asset, not a liability.
Psychological studies into online dating have demonstrated that people are cautious because of the lack of ways to verify the information presented. That's why everyone thinks everyone else is lying online. We like to be able to check a person's eye movements or body posture as they tell us things, so we can judge for ourselves whether we think they are telling the truth. Online, because there are far fewer cues, people read more meaning into the ones that remain.
Your photos are one of the the best ways to support what you say and make you appear honest. However, if you aren't careful, it will also be 'telling' people things about you that you don't know.
So not only do you need photos, but you need them to say what you want them to say. Things like putting up a selfie might seem easy, but you might not realize that it is screaming to everyone that you don't have any friends, because you had no one to hold the camera for you.
This is not the time to get scared and stick your head in the sand. By understanding the top mistakes people usually make in their photos, you can get yourself ahead of 90% of the online population. So let's get started.
1. Having a Picture of Something Else
While there are many different mistakes you can make with your own photo, not actually using a photo of yourself seems a bit obvious. What exactly is that going to tell other people about you? You are throwing away a perfectly good chance to attract someone, and instead shouting out that you are deformed or so insecure that you can't show people your face. These are not good messages.
2. Putting Up A Picture With Multiple People In It
Using photos of you with a lot of other people can support your statement that you have great friends. However, it also has some negative connotations that I think you should be aware of. First, it says you have put no effort whatsoever into choosing photos for your profile, as you've just grabbed them off Facebook. Second, everyone will automatically assume you are the most ugly person in the photo. Sorry, but it's true.
3. Me and My Hot Ex
Posting a picture of you with a member of the opposite sex is not actually helping your cause. You might think you are showing that you have pulled well before, but that's not how it's going to come across. While browsing online, most people are critical and defensive. They are not going to judge you kindly for showing them a picture of someone hotter than they are. There are no real advantages, and many potential disadvantages, so just avoid it.
4. Comic Ugly Shot
So you think you can get around the whole being judged on your looks thing by a comic ugly shot, huh? The sad truth is that whichever is the worst photo of you online is what everyone is going to assume you look like most of the time. Also, it makes you look like you are insecure so hiding behind humor. This is not attractive. You always want to appear confident.
5. The Decapitated Shot
Okay so you have a great body, thanks for showing that. But would it really have been that hard to zoom out and show that you have a brain as well? Particularly for women, photos of bodies with no heads are disturbing. It also screams that you objectify your own and everyone else's bodies. Not a great message for most dating sites.
6. A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away.
There is a distinct difference between a 20 year old and a 40 year old. Trying to pass off an older photo of yourself as what you really look like is going to backfire at some stage. Maybe not now, but eventually. Your main photo needs to be taken within the last few months, after any major changes (severe hair cut, plastic surgery, etc.) Think of it as an opportunity to create some even better new photos of yourself.
7. This Is My Glamor Shot
If you are a model, and have been paid to have your photo taken, then sure, go ahead an include one of them (this will support your self-statements). In any other circumstance, I recommend not using professional glamor shots in your profile. If you have paid someone to take photos of you, this often comes across as self-indulgent. Further, they are known to be unrealistic and touched up, so people don't trust them anyway. Even if you love the picture, I recommend trying to recreate a more realistic version yourself.
8. The Drunken Shot
I'm sorry, but no one is attractive when they are drunk, not even supermodels. This is similar to the previous note on comic ugly shots. There are much better ways to show that you like a good time.
9. Hide and Seek Shots
Profile photos should not be a game of Where's Wally. You should be clearly visible, which means not out of focus, out of the shot, or just a speck in the background. You want to give as much evidence about what you actually look like. People have seem mountains, they haven't seen you. So unless it has a very particular and irreplaceable purpose demonstrating your message, find a better shot.
Choosing the perfect photo for your online dating profile should not be hard, but based on the evidence available it appears to stump a lot of men. Therefore, avoid these mistakes, and you are already ahead of the game!
About the Author:
For more practical advice on creating effective online dating profiles, see Buffy Greentree's new book, The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles, available on Amazon.
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