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Saturday 10 March 2018

Rabbi Funeral: What To Expect

By Patrick Richardson


Losing a person to the cruel hand of death is painful. It calls into question a lot of things about life and beliefs. When a Jewish friend dies, one is urged to forget about the religion part and attend the ceremony. A rabbi funeral has tradition as and rituals that have to be adhered to though. Keeping a few things in mind is not only respectful, it goes to show in what regard the deceased was held. Appropriate dressing is paramount. It is in bad form to attend the ceremony in jeans and a colorful shirt. It is one day, wear a coat and shirt. The ladies are encouraged to wear black dresses.

The grave side session will usually only have a few chairs. Do not be mistaken, it is not a first come first seat kind of arrangement. Those are for family and the disabled with some exception for pregnant ladies and old people. It is advised for one to wear comfortable shoes. Small talk should be kept at a minimum with very hushed tones.

How distasteful is it to be late to a burial? It is disrespectful to both the family and the deceased. Why even show up at all if it will only breach the attention of other mourners. It is good manners to find out the exact times and venue the previous day. This will ensure one arrives early and on time for the ceremony without being rudely tardy.

The ceremony is not a get together. It is not a place where one can meet the boys and hang out. It is a somber occasion. While it may go unnoticed, one should endeavor to keep a straight face. There is something about seeing a person happily chatting away and being overly exuberant that just irks the mourning family. One should not speak unless spoken to or asked to speak. On that note, any speeches given should be kept PG. That is not the time to narrate that dirty story involving the deceased.

Jewish ceremonies usually have directors who inform guests of the sitting arrangement among other issues. One should try as hard as possible to keep an ear open for such instructions. It will save one the embarrassment and make the day go without a mishap.

These burials are usually short notice. The law is against embalming and therefore must be done quickly. While it is important that one attend the burial, there is an alternative. The Shiva is a seven day period during which the bereaved family stays home and receives visitors. Find out what assistance is needed be it food or babysitting the little ones.

In addition to or instead of attending the Shiva, most families choose a charity that people can donate to in honor of the deceased. This may be seen as a replacement for flowers. Flowers are seen as romanticizing the ugly truth. Charities will usually be more than willing to send a card to the family notifying them of the gesture.

Decorum must be observed at the ceremony whether one is a member of the faith or not. Any unusual rituals or traditions seen are of no consequence to anyone but the family and the deceased and should not be discussed.




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